Author: TheDon McCoy

In the past, I chose not to allow them to color my world

The shades of dark purple and deep browns cause shade to the sun

In my heart, it is tender and full of bright yellows and brilliant reds

Looking back on those moments I found I was not correct

Looking back I realized I was wrong

My sensitivity and tender heart never grew

I hid from that which caused hurt

I ran from that which would cause my growth

The dark shades of purple and the deep browns were ultimately

Necessary to my growth

Sadly, the deep colors I had put off for far too long

Came in heavy and the pain of accepting them brought tears

But something strange happened

My tears washed the purples and browns and mixed them

With the brilliant reds and bright yellows

And the painting of my life filled with definition and deep understanding.

You live

But you don’t live

You go

But you don’t go

You cry

But you don’t cry

You want

But you don’t want

You give

But you don’t give

You love

But you don’t love

Truly.

McCoy 2019

The room was dark when I walked in. it was a stark contrast to the hallway and the nurse’s stations which were bathed in bright fluorescent light. She sat in her hospital bed, looking small and weak. A faint smile crossed her face when she saw me. I was there to do a psychiatric assessment. She was there to continue her treatment for her cancer. I call it her cancer because it becomes something personal, like an old bitter enemy living inside gnawing away at her moment by moment.

The TV was on with the volume low. Ironically the show was a rerun of House. We spoke about her life a bit. I did my assessment. She had been working in the legal system for most of her life. She was well educated and successful. The air in the room seemed so very heavy. I felt her sadness. I felt her sense of loss. There are no words for this. I usually conduct my assessment, thank the patient and then leave. But I couldn’t this time. We sat and talked. We sat and talked about the little things in life, about family and about growing up. We talked about what matters to her in this moment in the darkroom with only the TV on low.

There are no problems or situations in life that cannot be overcome. Sitting with this lovely and sad woman, I realized that. I also realized that It’s not how big your house is or how much money you have. It is ultimately about love, and conversations and about connections we make in this world.

I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say

That remaining still is often the best thing to do when you are unsure of a plan of action

I’ve learned that whatever you put into the world will come back to you threefold

I’ve learned that doing nothing when something needs to be done makes more work in the long run or doing too much when I need not ruins the outcome

A cold shower is good sometimes

I’ve learned that there are some bad things that you do that are redeemable, but hurting a child is not one of them

I’ve learned that sometimes religion is a dangerous thing, some misrepresented, created and recreated by men to make life easier for some and painful for others

All God ever wanted us to do was to love and honor one another, not worship with gold and treasures, grovel, or kill in the name of

I’ve learned that.

I’ve learned that people that force religion on others are often hiding something either from others or from themselves

Or both.

What people fear the most is change, nor spiders, nor snakes

I’ve learned that it is true that what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger

I’ve learned that sometimes when I face my inner demons, they actually have a face

I’ve learned that responsibility for my actions begins with the awareness that I am wrong

Prejudice is learned, that children are ‘color-blind’ unless conditioned otherwise

I’ve learned that most men need their hearts broken, ripped apart and stomped on before they truly understand what love is

I’ve learned that I often forget to breathe

We as a nation have forgotten how to raise our children

I’ve learned that a child will love their parent(s) unconditionally, even after the parent has abandoned and/or abused them

I learned that green M&Ms are indeed sexy

Simply taking a walk can clear up most problems, or at least change my frame of mind

I’ve learned that if I stop, listen and pay attention to my surroundings, that there is a lot more going on around me that I didn’t realize before

I’ve learned that real love is work, that being with one person for a long enough time to really know them takes patience, understanding, and the ability to look outside oneself.

It is far easier to give up than to do the work, but there is no reward in that

I’ve learned that my children learn more from my action than from what I say

I know enough to be wise, but not enough to be intelligent

I’ve learned that common sense isn’t too common

That none can truly feel love without accepting the loss and pain involved

True evil is in the temptation, that temptation can present itself as something or someone most beautiful and desirable

That sometimes people just want someone to listen, not give advice, state what’s wrong, or make any comments at all

I’ve learned that the silent moments between two people tell more than words and that the comfortable silent moments are worth a million spoken words.

There is a moment in each day that gives us the opportunity to change, ourselves, our community, or the world

I’ve learned that.

Don McCoy 1995/2019

It’s like seeing all of your best friends and the best friends you haven’t yet met, at the same time and in the same place.

I was on I-95 following two other friends to our annual MR2 meet. One of my (new) friends was new to this gathering of Toyota MR2 enthusiasts. ‘It’s too loud.’ I must have said it to myself at least a dozen times about my muffler on the trip. But the anticipation of getting there outweighed the noise. Part of me enjoys the cacophony of engine and exhaust noise.

Then the traffic hit just after getting onto 287 in New York. A drudgingly slow crawl to the Tappan Zee (yes, I still call it that!). A while later I realized that I had lost my partners in crime in said traffic. My exit came up and joy flooded my heart knowing I would be pulling into the Super 8 hotel in Mahwah New Jersey. Slowing for the entrance I saw the first MR2s parked near the entrance.

My friends were already there! The only explanation: Waze versus Google Maps, and Google Maps won! Sorry Waze, I won’t be using you on the way home. Pulling around back I was greeted by familiar faces and equally familiar amazing cars. The weekend had truly begun.

I had written in another post, that this is a truly amazing event that shows friendship and love transcend the anger and hatred most everywhere else in the world. I thought of finding an appropriate word and realized that the word microcosm fit well.

From Miriam Webster:

 Definition of microcosm

1: a little world especially : the human race or human nature seen as an epitome of the world or the universe

2: a community or other unity that is an epitome of a larger unity.

To think, that a shared love for a small sports car could bring such comradery and respect for others. Or, is it something greater? The love and understanding we each feel toward each other during this weekend seem to go beyond the inanimate object of MR2s. It is wonderful to witness as all of the world’s problems disappear this weekend.

There was one moment where all of this culminated in an impromptu sharing of knowledge and help when one Mr2 owner needed a repair to his clutch slave-cylinder before he could return home. It seemed everyone tried to find a way of fixing his car in the parking lot of the hotel. A fellow owner (Ian) donated a part he had won in the raffle we held earlier in the day. Tools and jacks, parts and such were quickly donated. When certain parts were the wrong fit, the parts were swapped out, and a working part was created.

At one point while watching this take place, someone brought over burgers and drinks for the master mechanics working feverishly on getting the car roadworthy again. There is actually a video of someone holding a cup of soda (or was it?) as a gentleman named Dave took a sip in between cleaning out a slave-cylinder housing for the replacement internal parts to fit. A very wonderful moment indeed!

I am forever in awe at the people who gather once a year to enjoy their shared love of this delightful car and to raise money for The American Cancer Society. Actually, this feeling seems to stretch beyond the weekend when we all have gone back to our corners of the world, to our everyday lives. The Facebook posts, messages, and pictures continue or quite a while!

Thank you to everyone who participates and to the people (Mark, Rich, Ilya, Renae and Eric, Jon, Cedric, Kenny and Simone, and others) who continue to put this event together year after year. I am forever grateful.

TheDon

Photo courtesy of Christopher Lemieux

Originally Posted on 9/26/2017

I attended a very special car meet this past Saturday. I’ve been to other car meets before, but this one has always been entirely different. Roughly 200 people attended the 20^th annual Joe Pearlstein Memorial Fall Foliage Run (as it was called in the early years.) The car is the Toyota MR2 sports car. Many years ago a gentleman named Joe Pearlstein decided to meet up with a few friends during a crisp autumn day to drive around the area of Bear Mountain to revel in the beauty of the season and take pictures.

Sadly Joe passed away from cancer after starting this little tradition. Only today, it is not so little. I have been attending The annual Joe Pearlstein Memorial Drive, as it is called now since 2009. At that time there were roughly over 100 cars in attendance. The day starts out as everyone arrives at the Sheraton hotel in Mahwah New Jersey in the morning.  Enthusiasts from all over the northeast and many from further arrive bright and early. many arrive the night before. Many of us had not seen each other since the last meet one year past.

But it feels like yesterday when we meet up again. Old friends hug and chat in front of their cars. Others that meet for the first time create new friendships that often last for years. The day consists of a drive on back roads around the area with a stop at a mall parking lot to have lunch, admire the cars and enjoy the happiness and connection this event creates.

After a drive up to Bear Mountain, we meet back at the Super 8 hotel in Mahwah.  This evening festivity, affectionately called ‘The Beer Mountain After-Party’ was created by a marvelous Canadian with a big heart and exceeding happiness for all.  I am always in awe of the happiness and sense of brotherhood (and sisterhood!) at these events. In a time where we are facing racism, hatred and political separation in our country, this moment in time shines a light that we as people of many races and beliefs can come together and enjoy each other’s company with happiness and joy that flows so easily for everyone there.

In its small way, this yearly event shows me there is hope for our country to move past the religious and political hatred that is so often advertised on television today, to a better understanding and acceptance for everyone.

Often I sit and listen to people describe their lives and being stuck in their daily routine. Whether it is a dead-end job or a relationship that appears to be on a string of similar relationships, they continue to complain and question their lives, indeed their motives for living in this version of groundhog day.

Many times the conversations lead to adventure or the lack thereof. Many have never ventured past their own community. Many never dared to dream past what they were taught when young. I’m not talking about packing a bag and heading to Europe, although that is a delightful way to find oneself. I am talking about searching within oneself for the adventure that lies within all our hearts.

I told someone recently that there is a moment in each day that we can change the world. Sounds like a grand scheme, but it is in a very simple way, true. Many people that feel stuck, present that way to others. It is a sign of a depressed person. Some questions I ask: when was the last time you called a person checking you out at a store by their name? When was the last book they read? When was the last time they truly enjoyed a dinner?

These questions paint a picture of a person possibly is in despair, a person feeling stuck. I ask them if you could change your life, no questions asked, what would their life look like. Some can only paint a bleak picture of having some more money to pay bills or a nicer car. Others paint a grand picture of travel, finishing school (or going for the first time), opening their own business or even actually painting a picture.

These people are ready to engage in conversations about how these dreams are possibly within reach. With a little careful planning and understanding dreams can happen. And about those moments in each day that we can change the world, we are presented with moments where we can expand our world. It may be as simple as a conversation with a friend or even a stranger (the store clerk?). All I can say is, keep your eyes, ears and especially, your heart open. The world is bigger than you can imagine and yours if you are curious and adventurous!

We are so very fragile.

A moment can change our world.

A word

An emotion

Anger

Fear

Love

Or the lack thereof

One moment he was in his home. Nothing was the same. Nothing was right.

Sitting in his bedroom, he had no more tears left. He had cried the entire night.

In his world there was nothing left.

He didn’t remember how he got onto the bridge.

Cars screamed by him mere feet away.

The emptiness was complete.

Deep inside his heart there was no more.

No more love

No more hope

The concrete felt cool on his bare feet

His toes hung off the edge of the wall as he looked down at the ground below

A slight breeze kissed his face for a moment

Just long enough for a tear to fall

Just long enough to step off

Weightless

Emotionally and physically

Everything fell away

His fear

His sorrow

His pain

It felt like a moment passed

The bright light startled him and blinded him

He heard voices as his vision cleared

He was in an emergency room

Some say a person was successful in committing suicide

His success was not realized

Or was it?

January 16, 2001

Dear Sir or Madam,

It was the softness of your touch; your gaze into my soul that heeded me to understanding and friendship first. Before our hearts warmed with love, and yes, lusts of our physical bodies. Upon lying down of our hearts and bodies, we chose the journey that would bring pain and sorrow in the end. This pain and sorrow that had a choice to visit. Upon you, it would always be, upon you it would manifest through your children in sadness and misunderstanding. However, upon me or upon him, which was safest? Which was the most beneficial and desired?

I visit now more than again, the sorrow that you chose to bestow upon me. This letting go has been tough, no, it has truly been hell. I sit wondering if you are truly happy with your decision. If you are content with keeping your children happy and ‘safe’ from the sorrow that is inevitable, as you really were not happy with that life, ever. You looked at me that one last time, tears welled in your eyes. You knew that it was the touch between us. Without the touch, we drifted like fairies in the gale wind. The deception was effective. Was it your intention to create this evil casting upon two men in your life? On the other hand, are you so frightened by necessary change that you run screaming in fear from what was inevitable? Me, I think the latter.

So much for that. I only wanted a word, an answer, a message in the bottle of your heart that you are alright and that what we shared meant something to you, even if you chose to sever it completely. Just a word of understanding and compassion to what had occurred between us. I am alone to pick up the pieces of heart and soul that you lay scatter to hard and unforgiving earth. Like a puzzle, I try to interlock the meanings and messages that you, in your silence offer to me. Peace upon you and your desires, may you find them one day intact and still wanting.

Sincerely,

A friend.

(found among old papers and poems once written in an age long gone by)

I once had a conversation with Jesus.

It was very long ago.

When my life was less than happy.

I had come out to the coast in Maine to repent.

The sky was a crisp blue

And the sea was crashing with intense passion on the rocks

I stood on the rocks as the ocean spray kiss my face.

My heart was heavy and my mind racing with endless thoughts.

I spoke out loud asking for Jesus’ forgiveness for my transgressions.

The wind blew

And the ocean crashed

I heard a voice in the wind.

My son, you do not need my forgiveness.

I said I worshiped him since I was a small child.

My son, I am not looking for your worship.

I have your love,

I have your desire to become a better man.

Standing at the edge on the ocean

I took in his words

My son, all I have ever wanted was for everyone to love each other.

When I see hatred being cast in my name I weep.

When I see those that profess to worship me pushing down others

Another wave crashed

Just love, you will be alright my son

You will be alright.                                                                                                          Don McCoy