inspiration often comes by way of dreams. remembering and recording them has brought new understandings of life and this mysterious journey unfolding before me.
The boy sat in his room. Quiet. There was no sound outside. The moment seemed to stretch on forever. He understood that his creator had lost his muse. The words stopped after twenty pages, with a single period.
Just like this one.
The pen lay on the blank and brilliant sheet waiting for the next paragraph. His bike lay outside the house, its wheel stopped spinning months ago.
The writer walked by the pen and paper on his desk. ‘I can’t find you Marcus.’ He thought maybe saying the main character’s name would bring the story back to life. No avail. He walked away to make a cup of coffee and stare out the window at the birds and squirrels in his backyard. He caught his reflection in the glass. Long white hair fell in strands. Deepening furrows crossed his brow. I’m not too old. Yet.
Client #14. Final Assessment Notes 14 October 2020
Issues: Loss of career and marriage
He has an exaggerated sense of self-importance
He presented with an extreme sense of entitlement and requires constant, excessive admiration
His expectation of being recognized as superior even without true achievements borderlines on delusional
He tends to exaggerate his achievements and talents, believing his own lies
He is constantly preoccupied with grand fantasies about success, power, and/or brilliance
He believes he is superior to others and can only associate with what he perceives as equally special people, which often translates to people that agree with him and builds his fragile ego
He bullies others and monopolizes conversations. He belittles people he perceives as inferior, at times, to the point of physically pushing his presence before others
He constantly takes advantage of others to get what he wants
He has an inability and unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others, even when their life is in jeopardy, unless it provides value to him
He is envious of others and believes others envy him
He usually becomes impatient and/or angry when he does not receive special treatment
He often reacts with rage or contempt and tries to belittle other people to make himself appear/feel superior
I believe that he is possibly consumed with feelings of insecurity, vulnerability, and humiliation, causing him to lash out at others and may put others into jeopardy to justify his feelings, and to satisfy his delusions.
Most of the population of the world are good people. They would rather live in peace and love irrespective of race, gender, or belief. It is that small population that embrace the seething hatred for others and the intense desire to be in control and be on top of the rest.
If you profess superiority over others, you are proving inferiority. Let me explain, in the act of suppressing others, in the act of hating and abusing others, you are showing the world that you are severely insecure, and your self-esteem is in the toilet. For if your self-esteem was healthy, you would not need to push others down to feed your fragile ego.
She was lying in a fetal position on her bed. The TV was on but the sound was turned down. Her blankets were pulled up to her neck and she was asleep. The room was dark with a small amount of light peeking through the drawn curtains. The sounds of nurses and staff in the halls were muted behind the closed door.
I was there to assess this fragile woman for placement into another facility. See, she is dying. She is only 43 years old. I woke her with a gentle hello and explained who I was and why I was there to meet with her. She opened her eyes and lifted her head a few inches off her pillow. I could see in the dim light that her skin was a sickening pale yellow. She whispered hello. That was about all I could elicit from her. She closed her eyes and fell back to sleep.
I stood in the dark room for a few minutes more before sitting down and feeling the heaviness of her situation. I read in her chart that she has a family but none had come to visit her. She was alienated from them. I could only guess what may have happened to cause her to be alone for the last few days of her life. I sat watching her sleep.
Besides, the nursing staff of the facility, I was her only visitor. I didn’t want to leave. As I sat, I thought, it doesn’t matter how much money you have in the bank. It doesn’t matter what kind of car you drive or how big your house is.
What matters, is a connection and the love and memories we make in our often too short time here.
The world has inexplicably changed. The previous issues, both global and personal have taken a backseat to a pandemic that has shaken us and had caused hatred and dissension among many. People isolate, not by choice, but by necessity. I have heard from many that this forced isolation is creating havoc in families and individuals. Many are realizing that they had routine in their lives. Many have realized that life is so very precious and precarious as they watch friends and family members succumb to this virus.
As thousands fight this dreaded illness, many people attempt to make sense of it. Some look to find cause and voice hatred for a country and its people. Others, even as the numbers grow, still believe that this is a hoax that one political party is playing on the other. So much time and energy are being wasted when we have an opportunity to come together as a country and show our strength.
I give thanks and honor to those that continue to try to heal the people infected, and to those that remain in the communities to keep us supplied with life’s necessities. On a personal level, I have heard too many stories of people suffering from the isolation of the necessary quarantine. Many do not know what to do with their time home. I find it interesting that for many, life is a simple routine, when a large part of that routine is removed (work), that they do not know what to do with the extra time home.
I will offer some insight. If you are home with a spouse or family, this is a wonderful opportunity to develop stronger relationships with your family. I understand that it may not be an easy journey but it will be worth it for years to come. If you are home alone, I offer the opportunity of finding hobbies (cooking, art or crafts, a really good book) and maybe even create a blog? This does not need to feel like a jail sentence, be creative, learn to have a bit of fun. STAY SAFE STAY HOME.
The Journey of a thousand miles 