Make the Most of Yourself

“Make the most of yourself….for that is all there is of you.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have made mistakes in my life that haven’t exactly endeared me to my friends and family. Chances are, however, you probably have a little guilt and grew because of your mistakes.

I’ve been told that I’m not such an average guy. I have had tendencies to experiment and think with my heart rather than my head.

According to the original Master of Psychiatry Sigmund Freud, there are the three theoretical constructs in terms of whose activity and interaction our mental life is described; The Id, The Ego, and The Super-Ego.

The id is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends; the super-ego plays the critical and moralizing role; and the ego is the organized, realistic part that mediates between the desires of the id and the super-ego. The super-ego can stop one from doing certain things that one’s id may want to do.

There are times when my Id screams loud and clear: “I WANT THIS, NOW!!!” in my youth my Ego tended to play along with my Id in creating all sorts of misadventures and mistakes in my life. Indeed, this is how we all learn about ourselves and the world around us. If we learn well, then we become good adults and find happiness and success in our lives. But, it is when we do not learn from our misadventures that we tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

In learning to become better human beings, there are guidelines that can help us move past the self-defeating thoughts and actions that hold us back from what could possibly be a happy and rewarding life.

Compliment Yourself
In the morning when you’re in front of the mirror, smile at yourself like you would smile upon meeting a dear old friend. Fake it if you have to. The result of a simple smile is immediate happiness and well-being. Even if it doesn’t last more than a few seconds, doing it every day increases the effect!

Let Go of Anger

For many of us letting go of anger is easier said than done. While anger is a perfectly normal emotion, holding it in can cause it to fester. When you allow this to happen, your mind is not clear, you can make regrettable decisions, and, it will affect your health the longer you hold in the anger. Research has suggested that pent up anger can cause digestive problems, difficulty sleeping, and heart disease.

Practice Forgiveness

Forgiving is one of the most powerful acts we can do to promote peace and security both in ourselves and with others. Forgiving others of wronging us can be one of the most difficult actions we can undertake. But given a choice of carrying resentment and hatred for years like a heavy sack of bricks on our backs or letting go of that sack and feel at peace, would you not want peace?

On the same level, forgiving ourselves can be equally difficult. The rewards can be huge, a stronger sense of self, a desire to grow and become the best person possible are but two of the benefits of self-forgiveness.

Be Helpful
Whether giving up your seat to a disabled or elderly person on the subway, helping a neighbor on a project, or carrying in the groceries when your spouse comes back from the store, being helpful is one of the most effective practices to becoming a better person.

Listen to Others (From a Previous Post)

There is a true gift we receive when we become present with others in conversation. It happens when we actually listen, actively listen to them. And it is not just listening to their words, it is also being aware of their expressions, their body language, and expressions, even the emotions you are experiencing from them while conversing!  This simple form of mindfulness can have huge rewards in the future for you. It creates a deeper sense of friendship and belonging with others. It creates a confidence that may have been hidden beneath your impatience in conversation.  And, it fosters a great sense of purpose and self-worth as you naturally become closer to those you engage in conversation with, no matter how briefly. So, listen with your ears, listen with your eyes and most importantly, listen with your heart.

Always Be Polite

Politeness even in the face of anger or rudeness is one of the most powerful weapons we have. It is disarming, as the person rarely knows how to come back from that. And, being polite in general is equally disarming for those that least expects it. I can open so many doors to possible conversations and possible friendships. All it takes is to hold the door for someone, grab a shopping cart for the person behind you waiting for one. Smile and say hello to the store clerk assisting you. It is so simple and feeling good afterward is a bonus!

Be Yourself
After all, who else can you be? A friend once said to me that I appeared to be one person at work, one person with friends, and another person in the presence of teachers and important people. No, I wasn’t diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was a simple as I had created a different approach for each of the situations. At work, I was business-like and accountable, with friends I was comfortable and probably most myself. When with people I held in great importance I was cautious and shy, nervous of making a good impression. What I had learned is that being comfortable and confident in myself afforded me to be the same person no matter where I was. It was a growing process and a worthwhile one at that!