Stuck

It appears that you are stuck.

You have said on several occasions that your life is not going the way you want. You say you’re stifled in the life you have created. What I see is that your creativity and passion have taken a back seat to the domestic day-to-day adventure you find yourself in. When was the last time you felt complete and whole when you felt like you were expressing your true self?

I can see the poems lying dormant behind your eyes. I can see the fire that once lit your passions turning to a whisper of a flame. Where did it all change? Where did you exchange your love and passion for mediocrity and the elusive domestic bliss? From where I sit I see you turning into yourself like a hermit crab retreating into its shell. So, I have four simple questions for you.

One: Can you describe the passion you have still burning within you?

Two: What would it take for you to return back to your free and creative self, where you felt joy and companionship from the world?

Three: Do you really want to?

Four: if yes, are you willing to take a chance and step out of the forest you have wandered into and find that road you originally were on?

There is a map that can help you to your road.

1. Awaken your conscious by starting a journal and creating a blog. This is effective in taking you out of your own head by putting your thoughts and feelings onto paper (or screen), thus bringing a separate life to them outside of your head.
2. Identify your thoughts from the thoughts of others. For many people life is usually easy coast through when you’re on autopilot; we are given a rudimentary road map for how life is supposed to work.  We begin by going to school, then graduate and get a job, followed by getting married and having 2.5 children. The American Dream. For many, this is good enough. but it doesn’t allow room for you and your expressions that are now dormant under a basket of dirty clothes and a sink of dishes. So sit down with yourself. And create a timeline from when you were a child until this very moment. Be honest with yourself. At the end of your timeline, identify a few beliefs that aren’t based on your own logic, but are based on what you’ve been told.  Now, how have they impacted you?

   Feel free to think more basic. Do you actually agree with your parents’ or your spouse’s political or religious affiliations? Is having a career really the most important thing to you?  If the answer is no, great! There is absolutely no problem with not molding yourself to others’ definition of life, if they fit the true self you see in the mirror, then you are good. Now all you have to do is unlearn and then relearn the beliefs you have called to question. Only this time, relearn based on what your heart says to you.

3. Organize your life. You may find that having your external world in order will help expedite further the process of rebuilding your identity. So clean your house. Do your work before it is due. Resolve any personal conflicts with friends. Be honest and caring in your conversations, this, after all, is the foundation for friendship. With everything external organized and sorted out, this will open up your availability to focus on your deeper self.
4. Rely on yourself. Confidence is at the heart of finding your true self. If you don’t have a strong sense of self-worth, you will listen to what others have to say and be swayed by their beliefs on what is right and popular. Learn to begin to believe in yourself and trust your own thoughts feelings. Remember, be patient with yourself, be kind with yourself and be confident in your abilities. Growth will come with time and honest effort.

   Trust your own judgment and decision-making processes, with all its mistakes. We all make mistakes, but through our errors, we find growth, learning, and we begin to find our true selves. Start taking responsibility for your budgeting, household matters, and planning about yours and your family’s  future. Things don’t always get sorted out by themselves. Take responsibility and find that road you once walked with self-reliance and self-determination, and no longer be influenced by the winds of fate.

5. Find Alone Time. Give yourself some time and space to get away from the external world with all of its complications, noises, and demands. Take some time to go for a long walk and think. Plant yourself on a park bench and look, this is the essence of practicing Mindfulness. Whatever you do, remove anything that distracts you from contemplating your life and where you want the road to take you.
6. Find your passion. What was it that drove you all those years ago? Does it move you even today? Search deep for what really moves you and what you truly want to be involved in. We are not entirely solitary creatures. We crave community and purpose within that community. Through your journal and in your meditation, find what you want to foster on your journey down your road.