Author: TheDon McCoy

What if one day you realize that how you accept or not accept your pain and suffering is directly related to the progress of your soul through the ages. That the consequences of your actions, both good or bad, dictate the trajectory of your growth, or the lack thereof. What if I told you that your reluctance to understand, process and accept your pain and suffering as lessons and true moments of growth, leads you to a vicious never-ending cycle of the same pain and suffering ad infinitum? What would you do?

I was told long ago that we have an opportunity to change the world each and every day. The statement did not make much sense to me in the beginning. But as I progressed in my field of mental health counseling and mindfulness, the idea of this statement began to come into clear focus.

When talking with other spiritual and mindful people, I came to the understanding of the simplicity of the statement. One such very mindful person translated the statement so eloquently that I utilize it on my practice. She stated that the simple act of smiling when meeting or even passing a person can have a massive ripple effect on the world. Much of the effect goes unseen by the originator of the smile.

Imagine walking in your local Trader Joe’s and passing a person that does not look like they are having a good day. Your choice to smile when your eyes meet might very well lift their mood enough that they continue their day happier. That continues to those that she or he may meet, and so on. A smile is actually a small miracle of being human. It’s power is subtle and beautiful.

Above are the words: To Heal the World in both Jewish and Arab languages. The languages of the world may be many. But the language of love is but one. And it usually starts with a smile.

(Thanks Led Zep for the title, and a really great song)

In my recent past I was described as moody, angry at times and suffering from massive fatigue. I spent most of my later adult life moping around the house, unable to hold a job for more than a year. How my wife stayed with me is a miracle. Then something changed. To put a date or event on it is nearly impossible. It was like one day I awoke with the realization that I was no longer afraid to die.

An odd statement for sure. It was like a letting go of what I had always held as important. The things that had been important, like job status, the amount and quality of my personal belongings, what others thought about me (yes, self image). All of that no longer mattered. I delved into my spirituality and my mindfulness practice much deeper than ever before.

The realization that as long as I travel on the journey set before me, that as long as I kept my eyes, ears and heart open to often subtle messages life presents, all will be good. And it has for the most part. In the recent past I had struggled with working in my field. I had taken on work as a supervisor at various agencies and was never truly happy. I actually disliked counseling and supervising but could not put a finger on why.

I had chosen this field so many decades ago and and was happy and content until leaving my home in Maine and moving here to Connecticut. I changed the population I had worked with, from adolescents to adults. It wasn’t until I made the decision to leave to nine to five working world and struck out on my own as a private counselor that I found the beginning of purpose in my life. I attempted it a few times with no luck.

In reality, I never gave it enough time for my practice to build. But for the past four years I have boult a thriving practice and truly enjoy talking and helping my clients. Looking back, it was around this time that I had the realization that my life is most definitely finite. I will die. But before I do so, I will tough as many lives as I can. Before I shed this mortal coil (always loved that statement), I will enjoy the present moment each and every day.

Peace and Love everyone.

I’ve been on this planet for sixty-five plus years. Sorrow and tears have been my companion for most of it. It seems that happiness and laughter have always been fleeting memories. I cherish my emotions, deep and moving through my heart and soul.

Many have attempted to dull the intensity of their emotions from fear of their depth and intensity rather than feeling. Accepting life is to accept the laughter and the tears and to move through our journey with them.

Find your happiness rather than perfection. Find joy rather than mundane. If you find yourself stuck and not feeling, move, breathe and learn to trust the adventure before you. We create our own journey with every step, with every breath and with every tear that falls in joy or sorrow. Be not afraid. You are not alone.

She turned to me and said it was over

I stood there in the living room with the afternoon sun filtering through the lace curtain.

There were no words

Immediately that came to my mind

Did I know that this was inevitable?

Was she finally at per breaking point?

The silence was deafening as we stood, not looking at each other

She left the room and quietly closed the door to the bedroom

I was frozen

All of the emotions and words flooded my mind

Did I truly love her in this moment?

Was this indeed inevitable due to my inactions?

Part of me wanted to rush into the bedroom and try to fix this

I was frozen

The smile appears genuine

Their interest in your life and goals

Is feeding your soul with the want

The want of friendship

Gifts are given

Trips are planned

Life is so very good

To have a friendship like this

Then

They ask for a favor, a trifle thing

When given

The seed is set and you are caught

the friendship seems to be over as quickly

As quickly as it started

The happiness and connection disappears

Looking back at their deception

Realizing their treachery

It is too late

It was too late when they smiled

Your time and effort

To feed their shallow ego and pockets

Left reeling at what transpired

Maybe you should have not trusted them

When the professed love for Jesus

And going to Church every Sunday

You remain jaded at the next smile offered

You are not perfect just the way you are

You are a piece of art in the world of perfectly imperfect souls

When someone criticizes you

The way you look, act, the clothes you wear or the color of your skin

Realize that in their perfectly imperfect mind

This is what they are feeling about themselves

Know that the great power that is our collective souls

Gives you the road map for your life

Each and every day

It is up to you

As a perfectly imperfect soul

To recognize the moments

To listen to your heart

Your gut

Your soul voice

For this is how

You travel on the road to ultimate perfection

Witnessing a person with a warm smile

And feeling the love

and peace that emanates from their very core

you understand that it is entirely possible

to transcend the imperfection

and become content and whole

in your perfectly imperfect self.

There is an angry rage that sits deep in boys’ hearts that have been abused. The trauma manifests in a deep dark place as the boy grows, if he hasn’t had the opportunity to understand the rage and put a face to it. It is in this moment that the face becomes a catharsis for healing and understanding. Without this opportunity, the boy becomes a man full of hidden rage. That rage often gets released unexpectedly and in most inopportune moments, and often toward those not deserving of it. This deeply hidden rage has no name as the age of the rage was so early that the words to describe the terror hadn’t been created in their young minds. Reconstructing the trauma is necessary for healing to begin, but before that is to occur, the man (inner child) needs to put words to the rage and sorrow.

It is not that he was necessarily a bad person

Was not his smile genuine in appearance?

Hasn’t he appeared to enjoy your company?

Was he not jovial and never condescending?

But

Under the surface hid the truth

Behind the smiling eyes

Beneath the kind words

A expertly hidden person lay in wait

Looking beyond the facade

The truth began to be laid bare

Every action

Every word

Was carefully orchestrated

To provide a means to a selfish end

Every action was for his sole benefit

Every word was calculated to hide the meaning

And then he was gone

With your most prized possession

Trust