In my time of dying

(Thanks Led Zep for the title, and a really great song)

In my recent past I was described as moody, angry at times and suffering from massive fatigue. I spent most of my later adult life moping around the house, unable to hold a job for more than a year. How my wife stayed with me is a miracle. Then something changed. To put a date or event on it is nearly impossible. It was like one day I awoke with the realization that I was no longer afraid to die.

An odd statement for sure. It was like a letting go of what I had always held as important. The things that had been important, like job status, the amount and quality of my personal belongings, what others thought about me (yes, self image). All of that no longer mattered. I delved into my spirituality and my mindfulness practice much deeper than ever before.

The realization that as long as I travel on the journey set before me, that as long as I kept my eyes, ears and heart open to often subtle messages life presents, all will be good. And it has for the most part. In the recent past I had struggled with working in my field. I had taken on work as a supervisor at various agencies and was never truly happy. I actually disliked counseling and supervising but could not put a finger on why.

I had chosen this field so many decades ago and and was happy and content until leaving my home in Maine and moving here to Connecticut. I changed the population I had worked with, from adolescents to adults. It wasn’t until I made the decision to leave to nine to five working world and struck out on my own as a private counselor that I found the beginning of purpose in my life. I attempted it a few times with no luck.

In reality, I never gave it enough time for my practice to build. But for the past four years I have boult a thriving practice and truly enjoy talking and helping my clients. Looking back, it was around this time that I had the realization that my life is most definitely finite. I will die. But before I do so, I will tough as many lives as I can. Before I shed this mortal coil (always loved that statement), I will enjoy the present moment each and every day.

Peace and Love everyone.