REMEMBERING MOM

I remember my mom’s smile. It seemed to be few and far between as a kid. I don’t thing she ever was able to fake one. Her smile was always genuine no matter who received it. Years later, when she began to understand her life and struggles, her sense of peace began to become one. We had so many conversations as I progressed in my field of psychiatry and counseling. Mom could not turn away a kid that neede d shelter, help and hope. We shared our lives with homeless kids at times. Her heart was so huge. Her love was completely unconditional.

During her last days in this world she asked me if I believed she was going to heaven. I asked her to describe heaven to me. She mentioned being with the people (and animals) she had loved, no pain, nor sadness would visit her again. She understood that I was no longer Catholic pr Christian. I told her, holding back my tears, that her heaven is where she would go to when she leaves this life. We hugged, for the very last time as we stated our love for each other.

A few days later, I awoke from a dream. I was in an old farm house. There was a staircase going to the second floor lined in warm oriental carpet. I passed the kitchen noticing the well-loved atmosphere. Warm yellow sunlight filled the room. As I walked toward the stairs, a couple ascended before me. At the top was a black man, impeccably dressed standing before a red velvet rope. As the couple stepped on the landing, the well-dressed gentleman greeted them warmly and moved the rope aside. The room beyond was filled with bright white light as they walked inside.

I stepped forward as he replaced the rope on its stanchion. “I am sorry son, it is not your time to enter. I understood immediately. I awoke to understand that my mom had achieved her happiness. Live in your truth, live with your passion, live in love.