I sat at a long table in a large white room. Many friends and colleagues were there at the table chatting and drinking. One woman commented to my friend Will that he was black. I leaned over and said ‘shh, he doesn’t realize that yet.’ Some immediately laughed. Others pulled their hands to their mouths in a sign of shock. Right there at that moment I felt the weight of an entire house of bricks upon me. I got up from the table and went to sit on a chair by the door. My friend Will and another friend joined me. I apologized over and over again for my error in judgement. Will looked at me with tears welling in his eyes. Another house of fell upon me as I apologized again and again. ‘these tears are not for what you said, directly.’ Will offered. He lowered his head then looked up at me again. ‘These tears are because of the gravity of what you said.’ I began to understand. ‘when did the color of a person’s skin begin to matter?’ he stated. When did we define a person’s worth by this?’ He continued. I added that when someone chose to look down at a person out of their own hatred and ignorance, that is when the color of a person’s skin mattered.
We three sitting on the folding chairs by the door wept and held hands. Generations have past since the first ignorance and hatred defined itself. Generations of division and hated all leading up to my seemingly innocent comment. The weight I immediately felt was that generational conditioning, often unseen until moments like this.
Later we were riding in a large white van, Will, another friend and myself. We were accompanied by a man in the last seat in the van with a baby in a car seat. The child was crying incessantly. The man looked at us with care and concern, ‘she cried like this nonstop.’ The baby opened her eyes just for a moment revealing piercing blue eyes. She seemed to look directly at me. As she closed them and began to cry again, I had a revelation. Looking at the other men in the van I explained that this child was going to change the world. Depending on her upbringing and her experiences from this day forward, she will either save us or destroy us. I grew silent for a while afterward. Will looked at me and then at the dark child with her piercing blue eyes. ‘Then we need to care for this child and teach her well.’ We rode in our own silence for a while before we realized that the child had stopped crying and was looking at each of us in turn.
The Journey of a thousand miles 