Definition of a Man

With all the news and angst regarding how men treat (or mistreat) women has brought me to think about what the definition of a true Man is.  There can be and probably are multiple definitions depending on who you talk to and who their male role models were in their lives.

I was brought up with both the positive male role model and the negative. My positive role models were men that held a high level of honor. I learned to hold the door for women, to stand when a woman either left or returned to a table at a restaurant. I also learned that women are actually correct most of the time (just ask my wife). I learned that there is no moment where a man should ever disrespect or harm a woman for any reason what so ever!

I did not learn from them that the man is the boss of the house and that the woman had no say. Remember that saying “wait ‘til your father gets home!” Dads had their place with disciplining their sons and I do believe that some of that is lost on current generations. ( that is for another blog post) Parenting is a mutual effort of love that gives the children a stable and loving environment for which they can continue the love in their families in the future.

To me, a man treated others with respect, whether rich or poor, important or not. To me, a man held his relationship with his wife with honor and mutual respect. His children were understood and he actually looked them in the eye when he talked to them (meaning he knelt down to talk with them, or discipline them). A man stands up to anyone disrespecting another person or his family. A man actually asks for directions.

I will not speak about the negative role models, they have been on display in recent days and I am glad to have experienced their horrid behavior because I learned right from wrong. Even though I had ventured away from the good teachings I had learned, I tried and continue to try to live by that honor I learned so very long ago. I am sad for what I see the current man has become. At least the men I meet in public, in my work with families. One day I was at Trader Joe’s and a dad and his son were shopping. Mom was in another part of the store with her daughter. The man’s son asked if he could buy a candy bar. Dad turned toward his son and knelt down. He smiled and asked, “we can save this for after dinner?” His son smiled and said sure.

Dad and son met up with mom and daughter and the son showed his sister the candy bar. They both giggled with delight. Dad put his hand on the small of his wife’s back and kissed her on the cheek. She took his hand and together they continued shopping. This was a delightful moment to witness. Also, this was a very rare moment today. Love, honor, and respect aren’t difficult; all it takes is understanding and desire outside oneself. Repeat–Outside oneself.