THE EXPERIENCE OF REMEMBERING

Today is my mom’s birthday. We lost her several years ago to pancreatic cancer. Today, more than any other I remember her and her influence on my life. Mom’s influence and wisdom was a quiet type. She seemed to understand human nature and cared for others without prejudice. I remember a day when she was living in a senior housing complex. She had her own little bungalow decorated with pictures of her children and grandchildren and memories of her life.

One day she heard a knock at the door. Mom opened the door to find a rather large African-American man standing there. His name was Stacy. He asked her if he could use her phone, he was having problems with his water in his apartment and needed to call the maintenance department. Without hesitation, mom opened the door and let Stacy in.

She called the maintenance department for him and offered him a cup of tea. They talked for a few minutes then he returned to his apartment. Stacy always made it a point of saying hello after that when he saw her outside. Several weeks later mom heard a knock at her door. This time it wasn’t Stacy. A woman carrying a clipboard told mom that she was collecting signatures to remove Stacy from the complex. See, Stacy has Schizophrenia and he is the gentlest person you could ever meet, as my mom found out.

The woman was adamant that he was a danger and needed to be removed. Mom looked at the woman who was wearing dark sunglasses and held the clipboard like it was going to fly away. “do you need signatures from all the residents to have this happen?” my mom asked. “Yes, we do.” The woman said with a smile. Without another word, mom stepped back into her apartment and closed the door.

Today I was assigned a patient at a nursing facility to assess. I arrived and after speaking with the Social Worker, I went to meet the patient. He was a small man, very skinny. He was unable to speak to me because he suffers primarily from Schizophrenia, like Stacy. He also is dying from Cancer. When I walked into his room he looked up at me and smiled a huge smile and waved to me. At that point, my day got incredibly heavy. All the memories of the day my mom passed away came flooding back.

I stood in the hallway of the nursing facility for a few moments then walked into a conference room to speak with the Social Worker. I told her of my mom and that today was her birthday. I spoke of the similarities I was experiencing and of witnessing how even in the face of certain death, this man was smiling. I do think he understands what is happening in his body. I do believe he may be feeling a peace and understanding despite his psychiatric issues.

I pray he goes peacefully and possibly, quite possibly will meet my mom on the other side. I think they would make great friends.