JUST A NOTE

Sitting here in the early hours of the evening, not watching the TV that is on, I think about how a single seemingly inconsequential event can change a person and create a void in others’ lives. In these moments silence can be so incredibly deafening. The alone moments ache like an adolescent’s heart on a spring afternoon.  Sometimes I sit in the silence and wait. Sometimes I let out a guttural scream that pierces the silence. But nothing changes in those moments. I’m the tree in the forest and I have just fallen. Despite what had been said, and, despite what hasn’t been said, what was once a connection is now an empty dial tone at the end of the receiver held tightly to my ear. The painting sits on the easel, alone, with no owner. The pictures have all been put in the drawer and the notes and other memories stashed on a shelf in a little-used closet. My heart refuses to say goodbye. Maybe, just maybe, it’s only ‘see ya later.’ Maybe there is a tipping point coming and what needs to happen, hasn’t, yet.  I am mindful of my patience. I am mindful of my breath, and I am mindful that there is no forever.