Important Conversations

There are moments in the day that I get completely overwhelmed at where my life had taken me, I am amazed at how my thoughts, beliefs and knowledge has completely changed. Much of this change had occurred within the past year. Yes, this past year. See, I turned 60 years old. Have you ever asked what ‘over the hill’ means? Take your age and multiply it by two, if you believe you will be alive at that age (60×2= 120) then you aren’t over the hill yet… I am indeed, but science may still extend our lives past that age… quality of life is another matter.

So, my beliefs and thoughts changed. What was important to me before are just not that important anymore. What were these important things? They were mostly material. They were the fear of and desire for money, material wealth and the supposed happiness that happens from purchasing and owning them. I never make huge loads of money. Maybe it was my low-rent housing upbringing, maybe it was that the fear of succeeding far outweighed the desire to succeed?

Today that doesn’t seem to matter. Now at the last third of my life I find that relationships, memories and my contributions to life, to my daughters and family are much more important. It is now about those conversations that create change in a person, those conversations that bring depth and honesty to the ones we love. I watched a music video by Mike & the Mechanics titled In the Living Years. It always brought tears to my eyes and still does.

My mom and I had several memorable conversations. The last one I had with her was the closest to my heart. She was suffering from pancreatic cancer for which she had quickly succumb to, bless her soul in heaven. She was fearful of passing on and asked me if I believed she was going to heaven. She asked if I believe in heaven. I asked her to describe what heaven meant to her. She described a beautiful place where all her friends and loved ones that passed on had waited for her and she would experience happiness and joy.

I told her I believe that Heaven is exactly what she believed and that Heaven is what each of us believes it is. I explained to her that all the work and sacrifice she had experienced in this world guaranteed her a place in happiness. We talked about deep spiritual things and her love and hopes for my brothers and sisters. I knew it would be the last talk we would have. For that I am grateful to have the courage and opportunity to have that talk with her. Does the word courage surprise you? I believe that many people spend great amounts of energy in avoiding conversations like this. The fear of feeling such overwhelming emotions and to accept the inevitable loss of their loved one keeps them away from these moments that are so very important.

Today I sit here writing this with the hope that my daughters will find the conversations and the moments that bring lasting and loving memories. Life is full of memories waiting to happen. All we need to do is to keep our eyes and hearts open to the moments. They happen every day.