Many, many years ago I was not the patient and peaceful person I am today. I was usually anxious and easily frustrated. Much of my early life was full of anger and anticipation. I drove my car like a mad man, full of rage and vengeance. I spent many days and nights searching for the next excitement, the next rush. But, with all this anger and rage I was also looking for a balance with all this. It was quite tiring to live this way.
One day I met a woman, sadly today, I only remember her face. She was a school teacher. A very gentle and passionate soul was she. We did not last too long. My crazy intensity drove her away. On the last evening, before we parted ways, she wiped the tears from her eyes and told me she wished she could give me peace within my heart. I understood, but only at a superficial level. This gentle school teacher gave me one last gift.
I tried to refuse it, but she insisted. It was small, wrapped in simple blue paper with a red satin bow tired around it. She asked me to promise something. I say yes, I would promise. She then asked me to open the gift. It was a book. The Tao te Ching sat simple in my hand. I had heard of the book but never read it. She asked that I read it until I completely understood it. And then having completely understanding it, I was to give it to another soul that could use its wisdom.
I read that book front to back then back to front (each page is a chapter, 81 in total). It took me three years to begin to come to an understanding of what Lao Tzu (the author) wanted to convey. Its simplicity baffled me. It was the beginning of mindfulness. At this time of my life, I was in the warm embrace of the group Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). I needed to have a sense of belonging and before joining AA I was enjoying playing drums with other rock musicians and drinking loads of alcohol and smoking even greater loads of weed. AA brought a new and healthier family to my life.
I had a sponsor while in AA. He was a hard ass. I needed a hard ass! One day after hearing my misery over wanting to go back to the crazy using life, he turned to me and said: “there is a saying in AA; Think, Think, Think.” I told him I knew that saying. He said: “Don’t, Don’t, Don’t. You think too much. I want you to do something. It is simple.”
I was curious. “I want you to go somewhere peaceful and sit there until you stop thinking.” He was right, simple. I soon learned the difference between simple and easy. I found a beautiful and peaceful spot at Schoodic Point in Winter Harbor, Maine. The first day I sat on the smooth granite rock, I lasted an entire 15 minutes. Six months later I went to the same spot. A stone totem I had created one day was still there. I sat down and stopped thinking. I completely stopped thinking for hours. I watched the sunset.
At that moment my life changed. My viewpoint on my life changed, it broadened. The Tao te Ching then made perfect sense.
This has become very important for me because it has brought me peace and confidence in my life. I have found a sense of purpose and a desire to help others find mindfulness.
My next journey was to bring this new mindfulness to my everyday life. For this I developed strategies on how to create mindfulness in the moment. If I change the name from mindfulness to curiosity, what does that do for you?
Curiosity is a form of mindfulness. To be curious you simply become mindful.
I first became mindful of myself and of my routine. The curiosity in me questioned my daily actions. I will give you an example; I disliked showering, but could not understand why. I became curious of my actions. When I stood in the shower I felt an immediate sense of depression and looking further within, I found fear. It then hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a traumatic experience as a child that involved being in the shower. I became fearful when standing facing the shower when washing my hair. It was intense. I then turned around and washed my hair with the water hitting the back of my head. Fear was gone, problem solved, with curiosity.
So, finding mindfulness while in the world is a possible thing!
You can spend hours, days even months meditating, or spending time at a spiritual retreat. Those are great for the time you are there. What happens when we are in everyday life? How do we act when someone is rude? How do we find that peacefulness we found in solitary meditation in the moments of frustration from others?
- Finding yourself frustrated in the moment. Stop what you are doing. If you are in a store, stop walking; stop shopping just for a moment. Refocus yourself. Turn on your curiosity both inward and outward. Become curious of what is frustrating you. Find your breath and become mindful of it.
- Become curious of your surroundings. Become curious of the people around you. As a little personal curiosity, I look around me to find the people with smiles on their faces. Are they alone shopping? Are they with a friend or a child? I do this because seeing a smile in another person, creates a happiness in yourself.
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
- Following on number 2, smiling is one of the greatest anti-depressants we have at our disposal. And the best part, it is free!
Smiling activates the release of neuropeptides which fights off stress. Neuropeptides are tiny molecules that allow our neurons to communicate. They facilitate messaging to our body when we are happy, sad, angry, depressed or excited. The feel good neurotransmitters dopamine, endorphins and serotonin are all released when a smile flashes across your face as well. When you feel a negative emotion, try on a smile. A saying from AA states: fake it until you make it. Smiling, even forcing it, causes that biological change described above.
- Mindfulness and depression. An article that shows the amazing effect mindfulness has on depression:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3044190/
- A free research paper on brain health with mindfulness:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3004979/
fostering mindfulness in your life brings a new life for you. Mindfulness creates focus, it creates happiness and intense understanding both of ourselves and the world around us. If something bothers you, ask why and be curious. You will be a better person for it!
Enjoy these great meditation books by Alfred James:
The Journey of a thousand miles 