Author: TheDon McCoy

I sit here this bright and reasonably warm (43 degrees outside) afternoon at my wife’s parents’ home in Beijing, China. The dynamics of being on the other side of the world, in a country that at this point in history, is the polar opposite of the country I have called home for 61 years so far. China is a country of 56 different races and cultures. I find no overt racism or hatred between races here.

There are no ‘supremacy’ or ‘neo’ groups here threatening the delicate thread of community. In the light of this most recent and horrible tragic terrorist violent act in Florida, I looked up how many school shooting there have been in the USA since January. There have been seventeen. I asked my wife why there are no violent acts here in China. Reason number one: guns are illegal for the average citizen to carry. Imagine that! I have recently found it strange that the United States has such a love for the need for assault weapons and for violence toward each other.

As it stands right now, there will continue to be school shootings, there will continue to be massive domestic violence that has absolutely no way of ending given the need and bizarre love for these popular assault weapons and defending oneself from their own government and neighbor. Admit it, this is the naked truth of the USA, we are a sorely insecure bunch that needs to arm ourselves in the event our government wants to take over or our neighbor may want to harm us. If we didn’t, our government, of whom we have the luxury of voting into power, would do more than offer prayers and condolences every 60 days. It is so very sad that such horrendous tragedy like Sandy Hook, Columbine, and now Parkland among the now countless others, haven’t been enough to realize there is a core ideological flaw in how we choose to provide safety for all. Some have stated that we should arm the teachers to provide safety in the event of another shooting.

Can you imagine a school teacher faced with a student that has a gun, and this teacher, that has chosen to dedicate her/his life to the guidance and welfare of their students, actually being able to pull the trigger? It is a mental health issue? it is a social welfare issue? Or, is it purely an availability issue? I went on eBay and found multiple sites readily selling the same assault rifle used in all the school shootings. We are faced with what I have called an experiment in freedom. How far can we go with creating absolute freedom and not have responsibility get in the way? Well, school shootings every two months really answers that question.

How do we allow the total ownership and use of assault weapons and still be able to control this rampant violence? The government and one of their largest funding sources, the National Rifle Association, have no plan on curbing the sale of assault rifles to anyone who has a need or desire to be able to fire 150 rounds into a school. (apology for the sarcastic outburst) I believe there is an answer, maybe not as intense as China’s answer. When we begin to choose to be a country based on peace, responsibility and community and not a country based on hate and absolute insecurity, we can begin to heal and come together and maybe, just maybe, become a truly great country.

It truly is the moment when you see an enlightened smile on a client’s face that they get it. The worry and concern for their future seems to vanish from their face. It is truly the moment that make all the work here worthwhile. In the process of coming to this moment and many more moments like this we grow as individuals. The best way to describe it is that we become more open to others. We also become more open to ourselves and our hearts.

There is clarity of purpose that being part of a positive and dynamic team brings about in us. We want to share this with everyone we meet. It is not an easy journey, but self-growth seldom is. This isn’t a get rich quick scheme. This requires work and dedication to the crusade, as it is called. Do you have what it takes to bring your life to the next level? We are looking for people dedicated to personal growth and more important, a great willingness to help others find a secure and prosperous future. It is time to challenge yourself.

Happiness is a word lost in my book. In an attempt to find my definition of happiness, the definition that I was raised with. The definition that I believed for decades to be what others in my life strive for is actually a hollow shell that mimics a truth. Happiness is elusive; it is the dance between fantasy and reality. What had started out as a life gleaming with happiness, a new life, a new love and the desire to create and make new, slowly fell into a steady state of daily grinding life where the thought of creativity brings sorrow and pain.

When did all this change? When did the creativity end? Did it end with not having enough time to keep a house clean? Did it end with not having enough time during the weekend to find that quiet creative spark? It ended with all of those. It ended with the vain attempt at a ‘normal’ life with all its complexities and obligations. It starts with a long crowded ride in work, where I listen to people’s sorrows and sadness.  Then the equally crowded ride home just in time to clean up for a restless night sleep.

The creativity is packed up in boxes in corners of the room and in the corners of my heart. It feels like a little death each day. The sounds and images brought to this world by my hands are silenced, as is my voice. I am a mere whisper of what was once a scream.

Anonymous

on my easel was a blank canvas. 2′ by 4′ and covered for the third time with gesso. this painting from feeling and emotion had been very elusive. I tend to see emotions in colors, not just color but colors. I dream in technicolor and awake with a mind full of intention and invention. grey, black and blue swirl in my head over this canvas with the subtle face of a woman with a piercing eye of multi-color gleaming like a jewel at the viewer.

to begin this work, to get it from my mind to the canvas requires a conducive environment. music is of great importance. the music creates the emotions to paint. hard rock brings bold strokes and bright colors. classical emotes subtlety and refined colors.

often i begin with rock and roll and finish the painting with classical or for a powerful ending, opera! so now the canvas waits for the music of my heart and mind to compose my brushes. it may end up with more gesso covering another attempt, but the painting that is meant for this canvas will find itself through me. maybe some enigma on the stereo will begin a journey… time and brush will tell…

…On one sunny morning I walked past the canvas with the fire of reds, oranges and yellows. Coffee in hand I stopped for a second. There she was, I saw her image in the movement of colors and shapes. A vision of lovely memories and dreams that sat in the recesses of my heart and mind. Recognize your passion, cultivate and foster its growth within you. It is indeed, who you are.

The stair to the basement echoed my footfalls. I could hear Bill typing as I rounded the corner to his office. I had been working at the Shaw House Emergency Shelter for homeless teens on Broadway in Bangor Maine for about a year. Bill was the director and tough character with a large warm heart. He looked up at me as I handed him the nightly guest log for the kids that had checked in. I then noticed, oddly for the first time, a picture of Dr. Martin Luther King on the wall behind him.

The picture was signed by Dr. King, signed to Bill. “Bill,” I said quizzically, “you met Dr, King?” He looked up at me and smiled. “Yes, many, many years ago.” I was enthusiastically surprised. “How did you get to meet him?” “Well, I shared a jail cell with the man.” This was indeed getting very interesting! “More details if you please.” I pushed for more.

“I was in a civil rights march down south with Dr. King and we were arrested by the local police and thrown in jail. After we were released he gave me a signed photo of him.” He didn’t speak of their conversation that evening. He didn’t need to. I understood the depth and power of that chance meeting. It probably changed Bill’s life in some way. My respect and admiration for the man took on a whole new level. Here was this tough former fighter pilot that spent a night with a great leader in jail.

Bill understood the causes Dr. King was fighting for. It wasn’t a fight for people of color. It was a fight for freedom and equality for every person. On this day of remembrance of a truly great man, I also honor all the people that fought and marched alongside Dr. King, like Mr. William England, they have continued to strive to make a positive change for our country, one that is based on love and equality.

With all that is going on with our political front, I sit here thinking of what really matters and what the biggest problem we have as a country right now. It is not entirely the Republicans, nor the Democrats. Actually, it is both parties. It is the total inability for each side to work together. It’s like they have built a large wall between them and are hurling stones over said wall in order to hurt the other side.

Our country is broken and has been for a long time. When jobs left our country for cheaper labor we initially applauded the ability to walk into a store and buy a pair of jeans for half of what they cost if made here. But we realized the downside of that when the unemployment rate rose. But, we still send work overseas. It’s not the fault of the other countries. They are taking care of their needs and interests, and we, well we are taking care of our needs and interest. That interest being the greedy ability to make huge profits from cheap labor elsewhere.

The big picture:

We have a great number of people out of work

We have military personnel that are not being honored and taken care of and are among our homeless (and gone through suicide)

We have a rapidly crumbling infrastructure

We are so far behind other countries in technologies like transportation

We have a welfare system that does not reward work and the need for personal growth

We have created a white collar society of youth that no longer want to become part of the core structure of our country and only wish to be wealthy without getting their hands dirty and build up their worth with good hard work.

Can we bring our country back from this state? I believe it is possible if we began to talk like adults about our problems and not hurl stones at each other. I wonder where the collective rational mind of our country went. It seems to have been gone for a long time now.

As I stood in the kitchen finishing the lasagna for Christmas Day at my daughter Lindsay’s home, I had a memory of my childhood. It wasn’t particularly a holiday memory. But it does have connotations of the reason for holidays in which we all gather to celebrate.

One afternoon, like any other afternoon, I came in form playing outside to find my mom setting the table for dinner. She was carefully placing the best china and the really shiny silverware on the table.

“Mom?”

Yes, my son?

“Are we having company over?”

No, just us.

“But why the good stuff?”

My mom stopped what she was doing and looked at me. Her fashionable ‘cat eye’ glasses reflecting the table of beauty. She smiled.

‘I really don’t think the President will ever come over to have dinner with us, and besides, there are no more important people in the world than our family at this table. We are important and we deserve to enjoy what we have.’

Dinner was special that evening. We used the china and silverware again, but that moment was special. So, I ask that you make your holidays special, use the good stuff. Welcome everyone with a hug and a warm smile. These are the moments we create memories of. These are the memories that we will later share with our children and their children.

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Merry Christmas              Happy Hanukkah              بيع الثاني        بارك الله فيك                Happy Kwanzaa

the conversations have stopped

heaviness filled the air

separation cuts like the edge of a knife

tears fall after words were found

hurting

regret is inevitable

sorrow lasts for years

as the silence continues

regret is inevitable

some things cannot be unsaid

but the question inevitably is

who suffers the most

when regret is inevitable?

If you strip away religion

If you strip away race

If you strip away nationalism and patriotic intentions

Who are we at the end of the day?

We all experience five senses

We all love, laugh and cry

We all bleed the same color.

How was hatred born?

Where did we learn to despise someone because of their

Skin

Belief

Choices?

Hate isolates

Hate destroys

Hate is a darkness we can ill afford.

A million miles of darkness

Cannot extinguish the flame of a single candle

Think of your smile

As the single candle

In a sea of darkness

You will find someone smiling in return.

I had seen my father last when I was nine years old. I had heard of his death when I was in my 50s. My relationship with mom was an interesting one. I am the first born, so I have a memory of being the first (of the children) caretaker of the family, the first to work (at 14 years old) and the counselor at an early age.
Mom passed away five years ago from pancreatic cancer. During our adult years, she spent months with me when I lived in Maine (we lived in CT before). in one conversation she began apologizing for how I was raised (an abusive step-father). I had developed an understanding of why this happened and her helplessness in stopping this.
We spent much quality time cooking together and sharing memories. In the last few days of her life (I had moved back to CT before then), she questioned her quality as a mother and if I believed she would enter heaven. The memory still brings tears to my eyes.
Sitting here as a parent and grandparent, I realize the moments that are most important. It’s the small and quiet moments we spend with our parents. I cherish those times in the kitchen and times of watching the AMC channel with her. What I’m left with is my job as a parent to give at least as much love as I had received, with all its faults and beauty attached.